Well what a lovely day its been! I was up early while everyone was still in bed, I absolutely love that. The house is so quiet and I can get on with the housework and enjoy a coffee in peace. I was up at half 7, pegged out a line of towels i'd washed last night ( was tempted to put them in the dryer but resisted), I stood listening to the radio in the kitchen and did a pile of ironing while I watched the birds stealing the moss from my hanging baskets and troughs to make their nests with - cheeky things!! Then I tidied the lounge, diningroom and kitchen. Dusted and polished, washed my kitchen sides and units down with stardrops - wonderful stuff! Cleaned the bathroom then ran the push along sweeper over so as not to wake everyone. House was spick and span and I was sitting having a coffee by the time they surfaced. Think i'm going to do the same again tomorrow as I really enjoyed it. How sad is that? Does anyone else value time alone just to take things at your own pace? I did really well today with the agoraphobia too. Hubby is still poorly and we popped out just to get a newspaper and to take the dog but he didn't feel well enough to walk around the fields so he stayed in the car reading the paper and I took the dog around the fields on my own. Doesn't sound much but I did go further than i've dared to go alone before so I felt pretty proud of myself. I was a bit cross though as my brother has downloaded an app on my phone that shows the distandce and route youve covered and I forgot to turn it on. Blonde moment! The idea being that I can see my acheivements and push myself a bit further each time. Sounds good if I remember to turn the bloody thing on! I made some fruit salad this morning for breakfast. A bit extravagant but I did buy the fruit on offer and thought it may tempt hubby into eating as he has lost his appetite and get some vitamins into him. So I washed and sliced strawberrues, grapes, blueberries and plums and put into a tupperware container in the fridge to chill. He said he didn't fancy it when he woke up so I thought stuff it and filled a bowl for myself. "That looks really nice" he said when he saw it and ended up eating a bowl so it was worth the effort. I've had to buy strepsils, lucozade and ice lollies today which I hadn't budgeted for but as we haven't actually been anywhere this holiday then I guess i'm still up on the money due to not using fuel or buying coffees and meals out. Must be the cheapest holiday we've ever had!

So house tidy, fresh fruit breakfast prepared and lovely pile of dry towels, folded and ready to go back into the bathroom all by lunchtime. Not bad going. The towels were a bit hard but they were bone dry in about 4 hours. I have 4 lines set up under my carport which is ideal as it still gets the wind but keeps off the rain. This is ideal when I peg the washing out in a morning before I go to work and it starts to rain.

Right everyone i've rambled on for long enough tonight. Any more and I won't be able to get up early again in the morning. I've washed tonight ready to go out again first thing and when the house is tidy I will have a relaxing bath in peace too. I've also started crocheting a blanket for my stepdaughter who is expecting a baby in June. So I will have to get a bit of that done too. I will post pics when it gets a bit bigger than a dishcloth! I've been thinking also today about how I could possibly make some money from selling cakes as I love baking. Every little helps. Ideas most welcome. Thanks for reading. Take care all.

Jules x

Evening everyone. Firstly I want to say that one of my home remedies must of worked as i've managed to hold off the flu and feel much better today. How i've dodged hubbys germs i'll never know. Maybe its my caring bedside manner "put those dirty tissues straight in the bin, cover your mouth when you cough, get out of bed while I boil those sheets!"I've got through a whole bottle of antiseptic/antibacterial handwash and been dosing myself up with all my home remedies to. Burning teatree and lavendar in the oil burners, making honey and fresh lemon drinks and for the past 2 days i've lived on homemade soup full of fresh vegetables and vitamins. Whatever it was it seems to have worked! Yesterday I made a tomato and red pepper soup and added a few chilli flakes for heat. Todays soup was vegetable, this consisted of onions, carrots, parsnip, swede and potato. To this I added mixed herbs, sea salt and freshly ground pepper, a few chilli flakes, a pinch of smoked paprika and a good squirt of tomato puree. I gently fried the onion in a little olive oil just to sofdten then addes the other finely diced vegetables and gave a good stir, finally I added the spices and stirred around for a couple of minutes. Finally I addes about a pint and a half of boiling water and put on to simmer until all the vegetables were soft. I then blended it as this is how I like my soup but you could leave it chunky. I made spaghetti bolognese for everyone else as hubby has had little or no appetitie and he said he just fancied it.

I did venture out a couple of times today as hubby thought he felt well enough. So we went out ot the local garden centre but when we got there he didn't feel wekk enough to walk around and so we had to just sit and have a coffee. Never mind, it saved me spending! He felt quite poorly so I had to drive home. This is a rare occurance as he usually insists that he drives. He said he felt sick on the way home, not sure if it was his illness, the winding lanes or my driving!? Anyway he didn't feel up to calling into the petrol station to get fuel so that will have to wait until tomorrow. He is usually very fit and walks for 10/12 miles at a time with the dog at weekends but this afternoon he insisted on taking the dog to the fields in the car and then said he would sit in the car and watch while I took him for a quick walk. He did decide to get out and have a small walk but was shattered after walking halfway around the field. This flu is nasty and I feel really sorry for anyone who is suffering. I've downloaded a few free books onto my kindle tonight. I onlt ever get the free ones unless there is something that i'm absolutely desperate for. Today I managed to get a couple about frugal living so I will start reading them  tonight in bed. My life just gets more exciting by the day!!! Right then have a lovely day tomorrow friends and take care.

Jules x

Finally got the chance to sit down and write my blog! Only because i'm now too ill to do much else! So I broke up last Thursday for the Easter holidays and had big plans. Friday morning hubby woke up and felt really ill with the flu ( at first I thought it was a case of man flu I admit it!) anyway i've been running up and down at his beck and call since then. Alongside this i've had housework, shopping and my grandaughters birthday tea which i'd promised her. So i've been baking and making and then had a house full of guests yesterday. Its taken me all morning to clean up. Why do 2 year olds like to see how many hand prints they can get on the french windows and how many sandwiches they can hide under the dining table???? Maybe i'm geting too old for this! Then this morning i've woken up with a headache and a tight chest. So unfair. But i'm not letting it get me down. I have decided to cancel the gym membership as i said earlier on the understanding that I get out and about more. I want to start going on my bike. The problem is that I can't get very far YET due to the agoraphobia but my idea is to work on it. I'm so desperate to beat this as its ruining my life. I know there's only me that can do anything about it but its just so hard. I have been really careful with money this month and as today is a new month I will be even more careful. I learnt a few things last month and made quite a few mistakes with regard to saving myself cash. Transforming your whole life and the way you think doesn't happen over night though and as long as i'm making some chnges and progress then i'm happy with that. I'll post a few photos that i've taken over the last few days that I managed to take even though I didnt get to post them.  First two are the snow. Well obviously. It has mostly gone now except for the patches against the drystone walls and at the sides of the road where it was ploughed to make a road through. Saying that, it has been snowing again this morning just small light flakes. Dont think it will amount to much though hopefully. I still haven't dared to plant anything in my greenhouse due to the very cold weather.

Here is my lovely cosy fire, thank heavens for it the past few weeks!

 Random pic of my favourite mug. Just love the little mouse on the side. I bought this mug last summer from Boscastle in Cornwall. I went there with my son while I was visiting him in Devon. It was handmade by Roger the potter who has a studio in Boscastle. Everything was ruined when they had the tragic floods years ago and had to be rebuilt. Reminds me of a lovely summer and of how I was brave and well enough to go!

 Heres my Easter baking efforts. I made the first cake as a gift for my elderly neighbours. He is lovely and lets my dog out during the day while im at work. In the summer I always make him a cup of tea and a slice of cake if I see him pottering in his garden. The second 2 were for grandaughters party.

Right im off to put some washing in. A womans work is never done even if they are ill. ( No violins please!)

Take care all and if I have anything to report I will come back and blog later.

Jules x

Sunday again, where has the weekend gone? And I had an extra day off too! Today I woke up to it snowing yet again. This time it was only light but very windy and was blowing it all over the place. Our lane however was a solid block of ice. Thank goodness for the bags of grit we bought last year. After cooking hubby a breakfast, packing his sandwiches, making him a flask of coffee and having the on/off debate as to whether the 2 slices of lemon meringue would survive the journey in a tupperware box inside his rucksack off he went. Phew!! So I tidied up and ran the hoover over, put some washing in the dryer and then sat down with a coffee and a couple of slices of toast. Luxury! I then decided to visit my mum as it hasn't been fit for her to go out with the snow. She wanted to go shopping so out we went and got in mums car. Big problem though as it was skidding all over the drive. So we put salt down, sprayed de-icer on the lumps of ice and I got a shovel and chopped away at slices of it. Eventually with a good push from me and lots of revving and smoke we got off the drive. We only went to Home Bargains and this did me a favour as I was going to go on Wednesday to do my monthly shop. I buy all my toiletries and cleaning products from here unless there is something that is cheaper at Tesco or Sainsburys. I also buy teabags, foil and cling film, spices, juice, curry sauce and other sauces and toilet rolls and wipes. Total spend for the month was £48 which I didn't think was bad. I have ordered a shop from sainsburys that is £80 and so that leaves me £82 for the rest of the month for meat and fruit and veg. Think I can manage that just about. Going to the abbatoir on Friday and usually spend £40 so thats £42 for fruit, veg, bread and milk. Trying to keep my food spend for the month to about £200. I think that is pretty good for 4 adults and that includes lunches. Tonight I made a quiche with left over bit and bobs plus my tomato from the veg shop yesterday and I also made a few homemade chips to go with it. It was really tasty and there is a slice left for daughter and myself to take for lunch tomorrow. Not sure if we will be in work yet tomorrow as several roads in the Peak District are still closed due to snow.

Right have a good Monday folks. 4 day week for most of us I suspect so enjoy! Take care.

Jules x 

The snow here is unbelievable! Went out for a bit of shopping earlier today and as I turned into the country lane there was a road closed sign. There was however room for cars to get past so I thought I bet I can make it. Usually this road can be closed due to flooding and as I have a Freelander I have no problem. So I set off down the lane only to be met with a wall of snow that had driftes across the fields and was at least 6 feet high! So I had to do a 3 point turn and go the other way. Serves me right for being so cocky! I only went out for essentials today, a newspaper, some potatoes, 1 tomato ( I know, but I just wanted 1 large Vine tomato for my quiche tomorrow and if i'd bought more they would of been wasted), and a lemon. Actually I didn't intend to buy a lemon but we went for a coffee while we were out as I had a voucher for 2 free coffees at the local farm shop. Whilst there Hubby was drooling over the lemon meringue pie but at £2.65 for a slice I refused to buy it and promised to make one when I got home. So 1 organic lemon 35p, 2 eggs also organic from my friends chickens 10p each, sugar, flour, baking margarine and cornflour approx 80p and I have a lemon meringue for approx £1.35 with ablsolutely no additives. I also made some cakes incase we have visitors this weekend that seem to keep disappearing at an alarming rate! These were simple sponge cakes with icing and a mini egg on top. Well it is nearly Easter! Tonight we had chicken curry with the very last of the meat apart from some bacon that I bought from the local abattoir. I'm hoping to go there in the morning and restock. If not I will go next weekend and we will just have to either wing it or starve! I have got bacon so I could make a spicy bacon, cheese and tomato pasta and also a quiche. I also have vegetables, noodles and a jar of satay sauce so I cam make a stirfry. Last but not least if I get really desperate there is a box of cod fishfingers lurking somewhere is the freezer that hubby had me buying because he fancied fishfinger butties but we never got around to having them. We could have these with some homemade chips and i'm sure I have a tin of mushy peas at the back of the cupboard somewhere. I'm really looking forward to my time off work for Easter. I want to really get stuck into decluttering, sorting and reassesing things. Will post you a few pics of what i've cooked today and also my garden in the snow. You will see how deep the snow is on my garden table. Must be about 4". Have a good Sunday everyone. I'm going to visit my mum in the morning then maybe my brother. Think if I get chance I will call in to see how my grandaughter is too. I'm going to take her to the Wacky Warehouse for her birthday and treat her and her mum to lunch next weekend. I've also promised that we can have a picnic indoors with her and my nephew and niece next Sunday which is her birthday. Heaven help my carpets!!

Take care,
Jules x

Well where has all this snow come from? At least I got to get a day off work as the roads were too dangerous to get there. I work in the Peak District so when it snows it really snows! So what have I done with my day? Well I didn't go back to bed which was my first thought. I did several loads of washing to put on the radiator as I knew I would have to have the heating on all day with the girls being at home too. I went to the local shop for essentials then I visited my poorly grandaughter. Poor little thing had been up all night coughing. Mum was worn out too and despite me offering to bring grandaughter home with me to give her a rest she wouldn't let me bless her. Shes a great mum. After this I took the mad cocker across the fields for a walk. He loves the snow but even he was glad to get home. It was absolutely freezing and blowing a gale. The snow was blowing across the fields and causing huge snow drifts. It was so windy that it was almost impossible to walk in it. My face is still red from being out in it.

I decided to get my housework done so I could have the whole weekend free. After I had finished cleaning I cooked some pasta for lunch and made a sauce for it with half a carton of sweet chilli philadelphia and some mushrooms, onions and left over gammon. It was delicious and I will definately be making it again. This afternoon I baked some cupcakes and iced them then decorated with mini eggs. For tea I defrosted some minced beef and then slow cooked it with some peas, sweetcorn, leeks, carrot and swede. I thickened it to make a gravy then made a suet pastry crust for it and baked it. It was really tasty. We had it with some homemade chips. I can really recommend putting a suet top on pies. The kids enjoyed it and asked if I could make it again. So it was a result and very cheap. I haven't got very much meat left now from the abbatoir and think I will need to visit when I get paid on Wednesday. I may see if I can afford to go Sunday if I can. I think I have 2 lots of bacon and one pack of chicken breast left. I could make a curry, a quiche and a pasta dish with those but that will only take me to monday evening so I will have to do some shopping to tide me over this weekend. I'll put you a picture of my back garden on in the snow earlier today. Its snowing really hard again now. Just hoping that the girls get home safe. One has gone to the local pub with her friend and the other is in Manchester at a Johnny Marr concert. I won't settle until I know they are both home safe.

Lets hope there's no more tomorrow as I've things to do!!!

Take care everyone, Jules x

Evening everyone. First an apology. I just didn't get chance to write a post last night. got invited to mums for tea and felt obliged to stay for a while after. As it is staff meeting on a Tuesday this meant that I was already late getting home. When I finally got home I felt shattered. Think it was all that paperwork, emails and phone calls. Anyway I've had a lovely day today as I was at a basketball tournament all day. Had a bit of a nightmare with the team I took out though. Firstly one of the lads was grounded at school due to poor behaviour, then my best player got injured on the court halfway through the second game and so spent the rest of the day with an ice pack on his knee. At one point my team consisted of 4 asthmatics and a lad whose had a major heart op a few years ago.  I don't know who was more frustrated, me or the poor lad with the ice pack on his leg. I had to smile when at one point things got so bad that the lad i'd taken as a reserve was the star player!! So thats my day. Lets see what swimming brings tomorrow lol.
Been to the supermarket tonight but only bought what I went in for and no impulse buys. And i've cut hubby down to one newspaper a day now. He is proving hard to convince about a lot of money saving ideas though which I find frustrating as i'm trying my very best to save the money. I'm going to sit him down over the Easter holidays and make him look at things with me. Hopefully this will help. Wish me luck!
Not been too bad today with the agoraphobia considering we were not in school and it is a very large venue. I do feel like I am getting a little bit better if I dare to say it. Onwards and upwards I hope.
I'm going to spend a day decluttering all the house over the holidays, well maybe i'm being a tad optomistic there so probably more realistically it will be two. Also want a day to sort out all finances and do an inventory of freezer and food cupboards. That way I can use things up and restock. I have got some paint that I may decorate the bedroom with but got to get hubby paint the ceiling for me first as I still have a few problems with my shoulder and daren't do it. Think I will be ok with the walls though. I'm not going to bother with changing the curtains and duvet covers as they match and there's absolutely nothing wrong with them. Gone are the days when I would just change things for the sake of it.
Hope you all have a good day tomorrow everyone.
Take care,
Jules x

Just a very quick post tonight guys. Hope you're all ok. Have you had any snow where you are? I woke up this morning to a little bit but not enough to get a snow day :(. Had a pretty busy day at work then as usual i've been to my club tonight. This club raises money for all the local charities. We also get weighed. We pay £1.50 for this privilege and i'm usually disappointed. Tonight was no exception! 2lb on. I give up! Well this week means dratic measures. No more cake or toast at school.
Tonight I used up the rest of the beef joint left over from the sunday roast yesterday. We had beef sandwiches with some homemade chips and salad. I just had a chip sandwich with some salad on the side. I don't make chips very often but do enjoy them made properly with fresh potatoes. And I wonder why I don't lose any weight!!! Been a bit ropey today with "Bill" but managed to hang in there. Tomorrow after i've had double PE first 2 lessons i'm off timetable for the rest of the day so that I can catch up on paperwork. This should help with the stress. Right i'm off for a bath and bed. Night all and take care.
Jules x

Where has the weekend gone?!!! I must admit for some reason i'm quite chilled about going to work this week even though i've got a lesson observation for performance management on Friday then the dreaded appraisal afterwards. Normally on a Sunday evening I start to feel a bit anxious about going back to work. Had a lovely chilled out weekend though - well apart from when I had a look at my finances :(. A very tight belt is needed for the rest of this month I think. Definite meal plans and no spending at all on anything that isn't an essential. Have slipped into buying a coffee here and there which I promised I wouldn't. I really have to stop this if I want to get anywhere. As i've mentioned before though we do this as a means of getting me out and about. I'm going to find my flask out for the rest of this month though and suggest a short walk with the dog and a coffee from the flask. Think its just a matter of getting out of these old habits. Once i've broken them i'm sure we will be fine. Got hubby to put on socks and a jumper tonight instead of the usual turn on the fire or put the heating on. Again this is a lazy habit that has to be broken. I've also agreed to don my cleaning up clothes and help to bag and take to the tip all of our rubbish from the garden and shed over a day of the Easter holidays. This is a cost cutting exercise as the tip is only about 3 miles away and a skip would cost about £100. See I am trying!!!
Got treated to lunch today by my brother. I didn't really want to go but he insisted. Was lovely though and I really enjoyed it. It was a thankyou for giving my sis in law lifts home from work every week. Had daughter and grandaughter over for sunday roast tonight. Beef didn't shrink much in the oven so i've got enough left to have with chips and peas tomorrow night. Made an apple pie too and had with custard. Again half left so we will have it tomorrow evening. Bit of a rare treat as we don't usually have a pudding in the week. Could freeze it for next week I suppose but I would have some very disappointed people as they've already been eyeing it up. I was going to take photos of the roast for you but the troops were starving and wouldn't wait. What I did take a photo of though was the amount of peelings I  had. I also had the apple peelings to add and some teabags. Teabags make excellent compost by the way. I haven't bought any compost for the past 2 years as I have 2 compost bins and the quality of the soil that comes out is excellent. I do buy growbags for the greenhouse though. I'm toying woth the idea of putting my tomatoes into pots this year though with some of our own compost. See how it goes?

Hope everyone has a good start to the week. Only 2 weeks left until Easter and hopefully we will all get a break.
Take care

Jules x

Hi Everyone. Hope you've all had a good Saturday? I was up early this morning so missed my Saturday lie in :( It was in a good cause though as I'd promised my mum a day in the Peak District as her mothers day treat. So at ten o'clock we set off. First stop was Sainsburys for diesel, newspapers and a bag of sweets for the journey. It takes about an hour and 15 minutes to get to Chatsworth from where we live. On the way there the clouds were really low and we could hardly see anything. First stop when we arrived was the cafe at Chatsworth Farm Shop for a cappuccino. It was bitterly cold ( the weather not the cappuccino!) After this we had a walk around the farm shop which is lovely but most of the items had jaw dropping price tags. Still its lovely to look and tast a few free samples. The one thing i'd love to have bought was a sheepskin rug but had visions of the mad cocker spaniel ragging it round the lounge or worse still humping it! So decided to leave it. Did manage to buy a couple of loaves though and some local cheese that wasn't extornionate. After this we took mum to The Devonshire Arms in Pilsley which is owned and run by the Chatsworth Estate. Lovely pub and excellent food. All locally sourced and mostly from their own farm. Was delicious and loved the fact that they did smaller portions of their popular dishes at almost half the price. These portions were still quite big and infact after eating ours we had no room for a sweet. Had a leisurely drive home and then sat chilling on the sofa. Mum stayed for tea and we had the bread and cheese with some homemade caramelised onion chutbey, really enjoyed it. After tea mum and I had a run up to Sainsburys to buy a few bits and got a few bargains. Items reduced and on offer, so was well worth the trouble. Now i've sat down with a baileys coffee ( not real Baileys but a cheaper make that was given to me at christmas so its not a waste to put it in my coffee, anyway I had no ice and I can't drink it warm) and i'm going to relax and then go for an early night. Going out shopping with mum tomorrow and then cooking a roast beef dinner with all the trimmings and making apple pie and custard for pudding as my daughter and grandaughter will be here. We will have this at teatime instead of lunch though as hubby is going walking for the day with his mate and the dogs. His mate has a border terrier called Merlin as he bought it "to bring a bit of magic into his life" after a very difficult time. Our cocker spaniel is called Jarvis as in Jarvis Cocker the singer. My daughters choice? Together they are mad and a good long walk is just whats needed. I'm not really a walker. Well not of the ten to fifteen miles type. Right i'm off for a soak in the bath then to bed for an early night. Feel shattered tonight and dn't know why as i've had a lovley relaxing day. Maybe thats the reason, i've relaxed too much! Enjoy your Sunday everyone.
Take care,
Jules x

Hi everyone. Hooray its Friday. Just got home from the local after being taken there by step daughter for a glass of wine. Really enjoyed it. Only had one glass and then a cappuccino but lots of laughs. Going to do a reassessment of finances tomorrow as I think I am slightly over budget this month so I may have to tighten the purse strings. Will update you on that tomorrow. We managed to raise just over £260 in class today for comic relief  which I was really pleased with. It was come to work i your pyjamas day too which was good fun. Saw some funny sights both staff and kids wearing pjs and onsies. A colleague had her curlers in all day and I had to play football in my pjs. All for a good cause though. Hope everyone has a lovely day tomorrow. I'm off to the Peak District with mum for her Mothers Day treat.
Take care,
Jules x

What a night I had last night. Sorry, how rude of me! Evening everyone. So I didn't get the chance to write my blog last night after all due to the fact that my bum barely touched the sofa. It was one of those hectic evenings you get now and then. I'm in reasonably early from work but then it all goes pear shaped. I arrive home knowing that i've got to take my daughter and friend to the theatre at 7. Its only 5.15 so no panic. Second daughter and grandaughter are here too which is lovely surprise. I make a cup of tea for everyone and then start to prepare tea ( curry and rice for us - saving a portion for eldest daughter who does a marathon keep fit session tonight of 1hr Zumba followed by 1hr Ballet followed by 1hr Tap and comes in ravenous. Youngest daughter and friend are having pizza as the excitement of going to watch the Bootleg Beatles is just too much and theyre not very hungry.) Fast foward to 5.45. Curry is almost ready, hubby has fallen asleep on sofa and dog and grandaughter keep waking him up. He's got man flu bless him! So i'm trying to keep kids and dogs under control and fed. Daughter and friend have pizza and grandaughter decides she would like some too so luckily I have another fresh one in the fridge that was on offer in our local coop for £2. I cut it into 4 and put a slice in the oven. Phone rings and it is a customer survey. Being the polite person I am I patiently listen for 5 minutes then say sorry could you ring back at a more convenient time. By the time I get back to the kitchen my rice is nicely welded to the bottom of the pan. ARGHHHHH!!! Next time i'll just hang up. Whats more annoying is the fact that there is a house full of people but nobody noticed. New pan of rice on to boil and curry turned down for another 20 mins. Pizza is ready for grandaughter who wants to sit on the kitchen worktop next to me and eat it. We are all chatting and then all of a sudden we hear this wail and she has dropped the last piece, and, as usual our ever hopeful cocker spaniel is waiting to catch it. We have tears so I have to put the oven back on and another slice of pizza goes in. Time- 6.30 and girls asking are we going yet? 6.40 and i'm hurriedly shovelling curry down whilst hurrying hubby along who to be honest looks in no fit state to go anywhere. We all finally get into the car after making sure we have tickets, mobiles, money. We have to drop middle daughter and grandaughter off on the way too. We are finally on our way and its 7.15. Girls are moaning that we will be late, i'm giving them the stranger danger talk and barking instructions of where to meet me afterwards and what they can and can't do. We get to the theatre, well almost, and they have blocked the road off so we have to do a u turn in the road and go all the way back around the dual carriageway and approach it from another angle. By the time the kids get out of the car i'm worn out and too knackared to worry about my agoraphobia. On the way back we call into Tesco and by the time we get back its half 8. What a nightmare! Hubby decides he is too ill to go out again so its down to me and eldest daughter to go back at ten to collect them. We sit at the alloted space until 10.45 when they decide to appear. "did you bring Moll's bag for school"  my daughter asked? I vaguely recall in all the madness that was going on as we left the house earlier in the evening that I had been asked to bring it. "No i forgot, sorry" I said. So we had to go back to our house to collect it on the way back before we could take the bag and Moll home. 11.15 and I collapse into bed. What a night.
Tonight has been much more civilised. Home early, dog walked across the fields, tea cooked and then a marathon baking session. Its Red Nose Day tomorrow at school and my class are the fundraisers this year. We are having various things going on but one of them is a cake stall. Ive asked selected staff to make some cakes for me and thought i'd better show willing and make some myself so I made 3 dozen for school and a dozen for home. Pics below.
Well thats me shattered and so i'm off to bed before my busy day tomorrow. Night everyone and enjoy Red Nose Day if you're doing anything special. Remember to donate no matter how small.

Take care everyone.
Jules x

Evening everyone, hope you've all had a good day. Well I can't believe how blooming cold it is. I'm hoping the weather warms up a bit as I want to go to Devon to see my son at Easter and thats only a couple of weeks away. Fingers crossed. Had a really late night tonight as I had to stay back at work for a staff meeting. Anyone who's ever had the misfortune to have sat through one of these will understand. Meeting starts at 3.45. Staff still fannying about and missing at 4 so the deputy has to go and round them up. Why??? The sooner we finish the sooner we can go! Talk about infuriating! So when we finally get everyone sat down to talk you have the same old ones who love the sound of their own voices and just wont stop waffling. Its their 5 minutes in the spotlight and theyre making the most of it! By half past four i've lost the will to live and i'm already thinking about what i'm having for tea and whether to take the dog across the road or down the fields. Quarter to 5 and theyre still rabbiting on, i've exhausted my daydreams and am on the verge of either falling alsleep or doing something drastic like setting off the fire alarm. If it wasn't so blooming freezing outside I may of been tempted. Ten to five comes and some people still haven't had their say but like me must be so desperate to get home that when the deputy asks if theres any other business theres an almost deafening shout of NO and a shuffling of chairs as they start to flee before someone else starts talking. This is definately one of the things that I won't miss when I retire. I haven't really told anyone at work that i'm trying to save enough money to retire at 50. I have this idea of just working quietly away at it then one day when they say those magic words "any other business?" I'll have plenty to say. Then as they sit with their mouths open I will shuffle my chair and leave. Until that day I'll just dream about it, about 20 to 5 on a Tuesday evening.
So what have I made for tea tonight? Well last night I decided that i'd make a chilli and rice so amazingly I remembered to take the mince out before I left for work today and thats exactly what I made. Its always a bit of a lottery of how it turns out as I bought some chilli powder from the farm shop and its like rocket fuel! The first chilli I made using the quantities I usually use was inedible. Well to us anyway and so I gave it to my sister who was very grateful and said her hubby loved it. I have no idea how he eat it? Anyway from then on i've experimented with half and then a quarter until finally I decided on somewhere between the two. For some bizarre reason its not an exact science but tonight I got it just right.
I've just seen on the news that they have given out heavy snow for tomorrow. I'm so pleased to hear that as its my turn to do a lunchtime duty. Great!. Guess i'd better make sure i've got my thermals on in the morning then. While I think about it I'll apologise in advance if I only do a very short post tomorrow evening as i've got to run my daughter and her friend to the theatre and then fetch them back again. They are going to watch the Bootleg Beatles. It will be the fourth time in as many years that my daughter has been to see them. The past three years myself and hubby have been with her too along with her friend but this year we are trusting them to go alone but with us taking and then fetching them back. They are almost 15 and once they are inside they know where to go so i'm sure they will be fine. Its that trust as a parent thing though. Like the first time you let them go to the shops by themselves but then follow them, hiding behind every hedge as you go so that they don't know you're doing it. They have had strict instructions not to leave the theatre and to ring me as soon as it ends and I will come straight to get them. I'm even thinking of going up to town and getting a coffee somewhere nearby about ten o'clock so i'm only minutes away when they do ring. Over protective? Paranoid? Me??? Don't know what you're talking about! Won't even begin to tell you what I was like when my other daughter went to university in Liverpool. The poor girl had to have the "don't talk to strangers, be careful on public transport, don't get too drunk etc etc" chat every single time she came home. And the day we went to drop her at the station on a dark winter evening to catch train back to Liverpool and I refused to let her sit at the station as there were a couple who looked remarkably like Fred and Rosemary West sitting waiting too. I said to hubby that we would have to take her to Crewe station so she could catch the train from there. He was really pleased with me as he wanted to get back to watch something on TV. He was even more pleased when we got to Crewe and I had this thought that F & R  may have got on the train and were heading to Liverpool too and yes you've guessed it I insisted we took her to Liverpool. So 2 hours later when we got home after a very sulky car journey I just kept getting dirty looks and a head shook at me. I reckon at times that he does have a point and I'm probably a nightmare to live with. Right i'll post you the pic of tonights tea before it got covered in pepper or brown sauce ( joking!) then i'm off to remake my bed before having a soak in the bath an an early night.

 Take care everyone.
Jules x

What a start to the day! As you know I had my first aid course to go to today that I was dreading. So I got up and surprisingly felt pretty calm about it. As i've said before that is not unusual as its the anticipatory anxiety that causes me the most trouble. When my colleague picked me up I felt the panic rising but only mildly and to give her her due she is great company and very chatty so the journey passed quite quickly. We expected there to be much more traffic than there was due to it being rush hour and we were heading into town, but, surprisingly we managed it with no problems at all. Because of this we arrived 30 minutes early. We toyed with the idea of going somewhere for a coffee first but decided against it incase we couldn't park on our return, so we sat it out. 20 to 9 came and we were still the only ones on the carpark, 10 to 9 and you've guessed it we were still the only ones on the carpark. The traffic was now heavier and it had started to snow so we thought that maybe people were held up. As it came to 5 to 9 I thought something must be wrong so I checked the details I had. We had the right date, right time and right place. Hmmm. I looked for a contact number on the details, the course was being run by St Johns Ambulance. No contact details! So I was just about to ring work when Hubby rang me form work to say did we realise that the course had been cancelled and not just this morning but on the 7th!!! Apparantly the secretary had told the deputy, they had both erased it from their diaries but forget to tell us. They were still blaming each other when we arrived back to school an hour later and full of apologies. We drove very leisurely back and stopped off for a coffee at Mcdonalds so weren't that bothered. So I still can't be trusted to stick a plaster or icepack on anyone until further notice. Well sometime in June the secretary thinks? Heaven help us. That should give me plenty of time to worry about the next time. But on a positive, I survived it and relatively unscathed.
Tea tonight was chicken breasts with savoy cabbage, leeks and mashed potatoes. Lovely comfort food on a cold evening. Think I may make a chilli tomorrow night for a change. I will make a small portion of vegetable chilli for myself and have it with rice. Thinking of making some rice with a few vegies in and maybe some curry powder and sultanas to take for my lunch as i'm sick of sandwiches and the other option is a school dinner which most of the time are inedible.These dinners are so bad that the staff eat free and don't want them!

Right everyone i'm off to bed. Think all that excitement today has finally caught up with me. So I'll love you and leave you. Have a good Tuesday and take care.

Jules x

Evening everyone. Well where has the weekend gone? Blink and you've missed it. Yesterday I had quite a busy day. Up reasonably early for a saturday as I usually enjoy a lie in. Washing done, all 3 sofas stripped, washed, dried and put back on. A lovley stew with dumplings simmered all day in the slow cooker and a chocolate cake made. A trip to the local farm shop to buy vegetables for the week ( and a couple of bottles of local real ale that hubby managed to sneak in!!!!) Leaving him at home next time! I was tempted by some locally made butter but resisted as I just coudn't justify the £3.45 price tag. Yes you read that right £3.45! It was for 500g but still I felt it was a tad too expensive. Thing is I only buy butter as I refuse to eat any processed margarines or spreads. I can pick up 250g of farmhouse butter in Sainsburys for £1.19 though that is very nice so think i'll stick with that.
After tea we had to run our eldest daughter to a hen party ( complete with feather boa, pink tutu and a tiara) that was a 45 minute drive. We did volunteer to do this as it would of been an absolute fortune for her to get a taxi and she had no other way of getting there. She had a lift home from another friend so that wasn't so bad. On the way back we called into a pub that we have never been in but have meant to for years. It was hilarious, like going back in time to the 1980's. It certainly hadn't been decorated since then and in the short space of time I was in there I must of heard every Dire Straits track ever made which came out of a very ancient juke box. I asked for a baileys with ice but was told they didnt have either. I opted for half of stout in the end as unless you were a real ale drinker there really wasn't much else to choose from. I could of stayed there much longer than I did if only for the entertainment which came in the form of a table of drinkers in the corner that I suspected had been there since lunchtime. Bags of shopping under the table and the states they were in were a give away. Every now and then a cheer would go up or a round of spontanious laughter. Very entertaining for a people watcher like myself though.
So today, Mothers Day. I got up, cooked bacon for everyone then decided that the rest of the day was mine for relaxing. I had a phone call from my son in Devon who I thanked gratefully for for my lovely card and bouquet of flowers also a fabulous picture drawn by my beautiful grandaughter aged 3 of nanna complete with yellow hair ( she always says this when I ask her what colour my hair is. I like to think its blonde! ). I also had some lovely cards and gifts from my daughters including vouchers, chocolates and a Cath Kidston mug and pens. I then went to visit my own mum who was back from her travels to Wrexham. I had bought her a card but no gift as she really wants to go to visit Chatsworth House in the Peak district since watching a documentary about it on TV. So, on Saturday we are taking her and this will include a visit to the farm shop and finish with a meal in the pub belonging to the Chatsworth estate as it has an excellent reputation and uses its own produce for its meals. She has 4 children and 10 grandchildren so she had her fair share of chocolates and flowers. I thought spending time and effort would be a nicer option.
Finally tonight I chilled out at home with the girls and my mad cocker spaniel. My eldest daughter and hubby bought a takeaway which was a real treat for me as I do all the cooking. Even the washing up was done by my youngest daughter. I've felt truly blessed and spoilt today and realised just how lucky I am. Didn't go to the supermarket all weekend as we are using up the meat in the freezer and only buying fresh bread, milk and vegetables to top up. Had a great weekend with the dreaded "Bill" too although the first aid course tomorrow may be more than a bit testing. Wish me luck.
Right i'm off to try to get an early night as i'm on a first aid course in the morning. Deep Joy!
Take care everyone and good luck to Dan on his opening night in London.
Jules x

Hooray its the weekend!!!! So what to do with it? Tonight i'm going to chill out I think. Hubby and both daughters are going out so I think I will visit my brother who only lives around the corner. Him and his wife are lovely and always make me feel really welcome and comfortable. Will probably stay there until hubby gets home unless daughter picks me up on her way home. He usually wants to order a takeaway so I will take around some crisps and nibbles and a bottle of wine so that we can have those instead and not spend any money. Had a quick look at the budget for this month and its looking a bit tight so will have to be pretty careful. Think it will be a weekend at home then for me!!!
Called in to see my mum this morning on my way to work as she is going away tonight for the weekend. Old people are great arn't they? I was standing by the fridge and she had put on some fridge magnets these were in the form of 6 very ornate miniature photo frames. At first glance I though they were quite nice but on closer inspection I noticed that the top 3 had photos that my mum had cut out of those order of service booklets you get at funerals. They were of 3 of her close fiends who have died recently. Whats wrong with that I hear you say. Well it was the 3 empty ones waiting to be filled just below that were bothering me!!!! On mentioning my concerns to mum she just tutted at me, took them off. and put them into the kitchen drawer. Off into the lounge she went muttering "only you would bloody say that!" Its made me smile all day.
I'm still working my way through my meat from the abbatoir. Tonight we had sausages, mash made with potatoes and swede, roast beetroot and onion gravy. I obviously didn't have the sausages. It was the first time i've ever roasted beetroot. Upside is it tasted great, downside is I now have a very purple thumb and forefinger where I stupidly believed that I could just peel off the skin easily this way after reading it in a recipe book. Hmmm!!!!

If you're wondering what the greyish powder is the photo is, it is black pepper that my hubby decided to cover his tea with just before I took the photo. Men! Don't know why I bother to cook everything fresh, I may aswell just microwave horsemeat laden ready meals as they get covered in either pepper or brown sauce anyway!
Well have a lovely evening folks, whatever your doing. Until tomorrow.
Jules x

Just a note before you read this post that it should of been posted yesterday but due to an error ( all will become apparant as you read the next post) it somehow got lost. I have found it and reposted it but obviously it is out of synch. Sorry.
I know its late but better late than never! Managed the school trip today without any major anxiety. Only had a little bit on the minibus on the journey to the event and fleeting moments whilst we were there. On the whole i'm pretty impressed with how I coped today. I just need to keep this mindset. If only I could bottle it! Been for a drink tonight with Hubby and stepson, well I had 2 cappuccinos actually which was probably not the smartest move before bed. I'll either be up full life due to the caffiene or weeing for England! Don't think I help myself on the sleep front. We aren't supposed to be going to the pub but Hubby wanted to take Stepson out for a treat. He hasn't had any beers at home all week as he is trying really hard to save the money, bless him.I know this is a huge sacrifice as he really enjoys a beer to unwind after a hard day at work. Well its either that or the prospect of spending the evening with me! Either way he's been prepared to give it up. That and the gym membership both in one week. Think i've had a breakthrough with all my nagging!
Tea tonight - Spaghetti bolognese as it was fast because we were going out. Beef I already had in the freezer, peppers mushrooms and onions for me that were in  the fridge and store cupboard ingredients. Cheap fast meal. Think it will probably be pasta again tomorrow as i've got a tub of philadelphia with sweet chilli to use up and bacon for the carnivores so i'm thinking of russling something up with that. Hubby loves living in our cottage but I dream of a smallholding somewhere where I could grow all my own veg and fruit to feed us and also have some chickens. Tonight though he even showed an interest in that. Obviously it would have to happen without increasing the mortgage as i'm not prepared to work any longer to pay for it. I'll just keep dreaming for the time being - you never know. ;)
Take care everyone and thanks for reading.

Well goodness only knows where last nights blog has disappeared to? I must of been having a blonde moment! Could of sworn i'd pressed publish but theres no sign of it today? Well i've had a fairly good day today. This afternoon was swimming lessons. This used to be a massive problem for me but i've sorted it by not going on the school coach. I couldn't go on the coach because it causes me too much anxiety. Absolutely nothing at all to do with the coach itself but the fact that it drops us off and leaves us there. Its the being stuck there with no means of getting away that bothers me. So I drive there but a friend comes in the car with me as I can't do it alone. All very complicated I know but i'm still managing to do it. I'm usually absolutely fine while i'm there too. So with a little tweak i'm managing to do my job. There's no doubt that my agoraphobia would be measurably better if I didn't put myself through the torture of work but I see it as a means to an end. The sooner I can save enough money to pay off the mortgage then I will retire. So in the meantime I will keep plodding on and try to reduce my outgoings and any other means to also save the most money I can.
Tonight we had pasta with bacon in and I made a sauce from philadelphia. I had peppers and mushrooms in mine. It was nice but I think I will put more sauce in it next time as I thought mine was a little dry. It was still edible though so thats fine. I'm not going out with my friend tomorrow night too to save money. I've said we will make it just for treats or special occassions. Boring I know but I am just so determined to do this. I am really proud of the fact that i've not bought one takeaway or been out for any meals. I used to do these things as way to get out and about, a type of self therapy for the agoraphobia. This is a real worry that if I don't go out much due to trying to save the money that I may regress. I will have to really watch that. Well tomorrow i'm going to check my bank account and find out exactly how much money I have to live on for the rest of the month and make sure I don't go over that budget. Hopefully I may even save some extra. Will update you on that tomorrow. I had a look at what seeds I may need and looks like apart from some lettuce and cress I will be fine. Anyone know if they will still be ok though as i've kept them in a tin in the greenhouse. I hope so or it will be a very expensive learning curve. Right i've waffled on for long enough now so i'll say goodnight until tomorrow. Have a good Friday everyone.
Jules x

Day started with me stuck on the loo as the adrenaline surged through my system. What a great start. This is the problem when I have to do anything out of my ordinary routine. Its the anticipatory anxiety that always causes me the most trouble. I went to work and tried to put it to the back of my mind. When hubby said they were leaving for the afternoon I felt the panic rising inside me. It was almost unbearable at times as it came in waves but I managed to hold on. At lunchtime I went for a run to the shop with 2 of my colleagues. This was a little bit stressful but I needed to be doing something. After lunch I just got my head down and worked, trying not to think too much. This seemed to work as I managed to calm down a little bit  but was still quite anxious for most of the afternoon until Hubby was back to work. Because of all this I have still be running on adrenaline all evening and even though I feel shattered emotionally my mind is still very active. Going to try to have a cup of tea and a reasonably early night as have got to go on a school trip topmorrow. What a week i've got!!! On the positive side I did manage to stay at work today and then I walked the dog which felt strangely easier tonight so thats progress. I'm desperate to get out in the garden and greenhouse this weekend so i'm hoping the weather is good. Want to try to grow as many fruit and vegetables as I can. I'm going to ask around for empty containers to fill.  Thinking of getting some raspberries too this year now Hubby has cleared a space.
On the spending front I did have to spend some money tonight as we needed items for packed lunches tomorrow. Decided this was cheaper than buying lunch out so it's not as bad as it sounds. Tea tonight was chicken curry with chicken defrosted from freezer and vegetables I had in the fridge so no further spending there.Also can you believe it that Hubby tonight actually suggested to me that we cancel the gym membership and get out while the weather is good! Result!!! So thats £60 a month I can save.
Right i'm off for this early night. Take care everyone and thanks for reading
Jules x

Well thats Monday done. Was pretty uneventful today and I was quite chilled. Starting to get a bit worried about tomorrow now though as Hubby and my other safe person will not be in work tomorrow afternoon. This makes me really anxious and i'm worryiing how I will cope. Normally I would just refuse to go in to work as the anxiety is just too high but i'm going to brave it as its only an afternoon and i'm sort of hoping that I will be okish with another colleague. Kill or cure anyway so wish me luck! Right frugally I think I've done ok today. Had porridge for breakfast before I went to work then a slice of toast at break which is free. Lunchtime I had the salad and crispbreads that I took with me and a slice of homemade coffee cake. Tonight we had the left over gammon with bubble and squeak and beans then crumble and custard. I managed to dry all the washing on the line today and so have washed another load to hang out again before I go to work. We have a washing line under the carport so even if it rains a little bit it will be fine. Downside is that the towels are like cardboard when I get them off the line but the upside is that we all have beautifully soft skin due to the exfoliating effects! Just think of all the money being saved by not putting washing in the dryer, I love the spring and summer. Didn't go to the gym tonight as the weather was so nice and took the dog for a walk across the fields with hubby instead. Thinking of broaching the subject of maybe cancelling the gym membership now the weather is nice and trying to up the amount of time i'm out walking or even have a go on my bike although I can't get very far. This is due not to being unfit but getting so far then starting to panic and needing to turn back. If I tried this every evening though i'm sure that in time I could extend the barriers. Before I go and at least try to get some sleep without fretting too much about tomorrow I will put the pic of tonights meal on here. Just shows that you can make your food stretch further. 2 main meals for everyone and sandwiches 2 days for hubby, not bad for just under £5 for the lot.

Have a good day tomorrow everyone. Thanks for reading my blog.

Take care

Jules x

Evening everyone,
Hope you have all had a good weekend? The weather here has been great all weekend. Hubby has been out in the garden tidying up and moving things around. A sort of spring clean for outdoors. I've had a lovely chilled out weekend, just pottered around and done a bit of housework and baked. Today I went to the farm shop to pick up the veg for this week, don't need any meat as we still have loads left in the freezer. Also went to our local discount shop for toiletries and cleaning products, it is so much cheaper than the supermarket. Cooked a huge gammon joint today that I bought at the abbatoir for just under £4. Put it into the oven on gas mark 5 with a little water and covered with foil. Left this is as I baked a cake and a rhubarb crumble. Then I took it out from the oven and removed all the fat from the top and  basted it with honey and wholegrain mustard. Returned it to the oven for another 20 minutes just to crisp up and it was done. Had some of it  for tea with leeks, cabbage and mashed potatoes. There is plenty left over and as I also cooked extra cabbage and mash we will be having it tomorrow with bubble and squeak. As I was cutting up the vegetables I saved some cabbage and then finely sliced  a carrot and half an onion then mixed together with a little mayonnaise and salt and pepper to make coleslaw to have with my salad this week for lunches at work.

Been a good day too with the dreaded agoraphobia. I was quite happy to browse the farm shop alone while Hubby stayed in the cafe reading his newspapers with a cappuccino. Didn't go for a walk today with the dog as I was busy baking. ( Not an excuse honest!)
Enjoy the rest of your evening and take care.

Jules x

A successful day all round

Evening everyone.
Only going to be a very short post tonight as i'm absolutely shattered. Been out walking with the mad cocker spaniel today again and extended my area slightly so feel like i've done well. Haven't been tempted to go to the supermarket today as I could of so easily and spent money. We had breakfast at home. Porridge with fruit, nuts and honey for me and bacon butties for the rest of the household. We didn't go out to have a coffee or lunch as we usually do on a saturday but had crackers and cheese and some of my homemade banana cake with custard. Tonight we were tempted when my daughter declared that she was going out for an indian meal with friends. There were looks at each other and sighs of ooh I could just eat a curry but we resisted. I made a cottage pie for tea with some beef for the carnivores and some lovely veg left over from last weeks farm shop for me. Topped with potato and swede mash. It was lovely! So I feel like i've had a successful day in all. Dried washing on the line so didn't use the tumble dryer, cooked all meals and avoided the shops. Also did well with "Bill".
Night everyone, promise a longer post tomorrow. Hoping to go to the farmers market in Leek to get some bargains. Let you know all about it.
Take care
Jules x

Braved work and the supermarket!!

So today I woke up and was determined to go back to work. I still felt a bit ropey and was very pale but I went for it. After playing tennis with the students as we need the practice for a tournament we are in next week, working my lunch on playground duty and having a particularly lively student all afternoon I was well and truly shattered by the time I came home. So I flopped on the sofa and chilled - I WISH!!!!! Instead I put a load of towels in to wash, cooked tea, went shopping for shorts for hubby, went to the supermarket for our weekly shop. After all this hubby did take me to our local and favourite pub, real ale for him and cappuccino for me. This is the first time we have been for a while as we are trying to save money but because i've not been well it was a treat. It is very reasonable though and a pint of real ale, a very good cappuccino and a bag of real handcooked crisps for less than a fiver! And I did the weekly shop for £16. How frugal was that! Only bought what was on my list and bought some lovely bread reduced. Drew £100 out of the cashpoint and i'm going to try my hardest to make it really last as long as I can.
Right how have I been at work with "Bill". Well the day started with a wobble as I didn't really want to go. This was a mixture of being still unwell and the fact i've had over a week off which always affects me. So it would of been so easy to say I wasn't still well enough to go and cry off again but I didn't. It took a lot to push myself but this is the only way to beat this. So I kept busy, didn't use feeling ill as an excuse not to do playground duty which I hate and pushed on. I had several wobbly moments but I coped. Tonight when we went to Matalan I usually have to have a trolly, this is a safety behaviour that I've become used to. Learned behaviour. The reasoning behind this is that if I feel wobbly I can lean on the trolly until I feel well enough to move on. Tonight was the first time EVER that because I didn't have a pound coin to put in to get one I went in without. About half way around the store I started to feel a bit dizzy but I ploughed on. I wish I could remember that i've done these things the next time but usually I just feel like I can't do it. Think I need to make myself some kind of saying that reminds me of these things that I can say over and over until I believe it. We only ever have one drink at the pub as Hubby has to drive home. He wants to try getting a taxi but being stuck at the pub and having to wait for a taxi is just too much for me at the moment as again this falls into the catagory of being stuck somewhere. Complicated I know but in my head there is a weird sort of logic to it all. Right i'm off for a soak and chill before an early night. Hoping to go to the gym after work tomorrow if I feel up to it.
Take care,

Jules x

Typical!!!

Well finally my head has stopped spinning enough for me to get on the laptop and write my blog. Have really struggled the past few days with what i'm assuming has been a virus or bug of some sort. Started with an horrendous headache that at first I suspected to be the beginning of a migraine but then worsened to the point that I felt as though my head was going to explode and nurofen and paracetemol just weren't taking the pain away. Then followed the sickness and runs and awful dizziness. I felt so poorly that I couldn't lift my head from the pillow. And so I have had to take 2 days off work which is absolutely unheard of! Hopefully I will feel well enough if a little tired to go to work tomorrow. Fingers crossed! So on a frugal front I haven't spent a penny as I haven't been out or eaten. Not that i'm recommending this as a long term fix! Get paid tomorrow so i'm going to start the month in earnest to save every single penny I can. Have been thinking how I could perhaps make a little bit more money to help with the savings. The one thing I do enjoy is baking cakes and would absolutely love to have my own tearoom, that way I wouldn't mind not retiring. But realistically as I can't afford to give up work and start up a business on my own the next best thing is to start on a small scale by baking cakes to sell to friends and family. If this goes well then maybe I can expand it to farmers markets locally. Any ideas would be accepted gratefully!!!
Ok now how have I managed with "Bill" ( my agoraphobia) Firstly I won't stay in the house on my own so when i'm ill this in itself is a real issue and raises my anxiety. Luckily my mum is at home and so I can go there to be "looked after". The only downside of that is being killed by kindness. My mum seems to blame the fact i'm a vegetarian for any illness I get and insists on trying to feed me meat in a way other mothers would administer painkillers or cough medicine. I lost count of how many times I refused a bacon sandwich, ham sandwich, beef and potato pie and beef stew! Finally just to stop her I gave in and ate a tiny bit of stew but fished out the beef. I know! I know! I'm 48 and still scared of my  mother!
So despite that, bless her, shes waited on me hand and foot and today even insisting that I get on the scales and weigh myself to see if i've lost weight due to being ill. Unfortunately it doesn't look like I have. Just my luck!
Right thats about as much as my eyes will stand on here tonight so thanks for reading and take care everyone.

Jules

Evening friends,
Firstly an apology for not blogging yesterday (not a very good start I know!) In my defence I had to go to bed early evening with an awful migraine. So tonights blog may be brief too as I struggle to look at the screen without it hurting.
Well then what have I been up to apart from sleeping this weekend? Yesterday I didn't venture very far at all. Just a quick trip to the farm shop to pick up veg for the week as it isn't open on Sundays. Bought lots of lovely in season veg that i'm looking forward to making into delicious meals for my family this week. I don't tend to choose the menu for the week it seems to choose me by the vegetables and meat available. I made a loaf and a chocolate cake yesterday as hubby was off walking today and needed a packed lunch. Had hoped that there would be enough bread left for packed lunches tomorrow but it was very popular! So today I have baked another loaf and just made sandwiches up for tomorrow with it before it goes missing again!!! I also have been to the abbatoir this afternoon to get a stock of meat for the freezer for the carnivores in the household. I'm a vegetarian so it isn't a very pleasant trip but even though I don't eat it myself I like to know where it has come from and that it is local and best quality. It is actually considerably less expensive than buying from the supermarket anyway. I came home and divided it up into bags in the right size portions for the meals I will cook so that will make life easier - if I remember to take it out of the freezer to defrost in time that is!
And now my weekend with "Bill"....... Yesterday as I mentioned earlier I hardly went out so I was quite chilled and my agoraphobia didn't cause me any problems. Today I went out for lunch with my mum and brother and again because they are people I trust I didn't have any problems. Started to feel my anxiety levels rising tonight though and I know its because I have to go to work tomorrow after having a week off. Its always hard for me after a holiday. I also know that there are a couple of things happening at work in the next few weeks that will cause me extreme anxiety. I am trying to get my head around it all before then so fingers crossed. Right thats me done for today.
Take care
Jules x

Day one at frugal towers.

Well i've tried my very best today in all areas. Pegged out the washing instead of putting it in the dryer only to fetch it back in hours later frozen like sheets of cardboard! Went out to get the newspapers and exactly what was on my shopping list and got ONLY that. No magazines, no too good to miss offers of items I don't really need or want and no allowing hubby to fill the trolly with items. And best of all no going to a tearoom or cafe for an expensive cappuccino and cake. This has saved me NOT ONLY money but my waistline too so a win win situation. Had one or two places to go today and instead of grabbing some lunch out as we would usually do we came home inbetween ( it was on our way so not wasting fuel) and I made us a nice lunch using left overs from yesterday. This afternoon I made a birthday cake with my daughter for her friend as a birthday present. (Looks like my chat about saving money has worked!) As we had most of the ingredients in the house anyway and free eggs from my friends chicken I just had to buy a couple of things and worked out that the cake cost about £3 to make so a very thrifty gift. See photo above. Got the idea from seeing it on facebook made by someone else. Really easy to make and fun too!
Right what sort of day have I had with "Bill". Actually today was a good day. Travelled on the dual carriageway TWICE. Once is usually enought to put the fear of god into me. You see there is just too much potential to get trapped on there with no means of escape. If there is an accident or just with queueing traffic you are stuck! Same fear applies to motorways. Going to visit my son in Devon is a complete nightmare for me as I am on high alert the whole journey. Watching all the signs for warnings of roadworks. Watching incase the traffic starts to slow down and build up. I have AA traffic watch on my mobile phone so I can anticipate any problems then poor hubby has to leave the next available exit even if we have no idea where we are going. I'm doing word searches, playing games on my phone and reading my kindle as a way of distracting myself.  I'm exhausted by the end of the journey as I'm running on adrenaline the whole time. Can't begin to tell you what it does to my insides! But I still do it because its worth everything when I see my son and lovely grandaughter. Hubby always says to me that I can do things when I really have to, doesn't mean its easy and I would never choose to put myself through it but he's right, I have come up against some pretty awful and what I would think are impossible situations over the years but I have survived. If I could just have the confidence to trust that everything would be ok everytime I have a new fear or even recurring fear then i'm sure that would be the end of Bill! I just need that leap of faith. Maybe i'll put it to the test............ tomorrow?
Take care and thanks for reading,
Jules

A day in  the life of an agoraphobic (and everyone else around them!)

Here goes, so I’ve decided to write a blog about my life. The life of an agoraphobic and everyone else around them forced to live as an agoraphobic by association!  A life, living within a set of rules and boundaries.  A life, full of highs and lows, achievements and failures, dodging situations and being held back. A life that’s sometimes funny J at the same time as being sad L. A life that’s never easy but never dull. With 4 kids, 2 step-kids, 2 grandaughters plus another one on the way and a mad cocker spaniel how could it be anything else! A life that’s my life and I’m very grateful for all the wonderful people in it. I just want to be able to live it. That’s not too much to ask is it?...............

Today starts my frugal quest to save as much money as I can so that I can retire, and hopefully without the stress that work brings, begin to relax and have time to concentrate on beating my agoraphobia. I read a book recently ( as i've read most books and articles about agoraphobia - most agoraphobics do!) This book advises to take ownership of your agoraphobia, to give it a name. Well i've called it lots of things in the past most of which I couldn't publish on here without getting banned on my first blog so for the purposes of future blogs lets just call it Billy ( as in billy no mates - this is my worst fear being alone)

Agoraphobia is personal to every sufferer. No two people are alike and neither is this vile invasion of your life. Mine started over 20 years ago as the result of a traumatic experience. Because of the way it began it has been described as a post traumatic stress disorder and has manifested into a deep fear of being trapped anywhere or being on my own (monophobia). The two are linked in so much as  im scared of being trapped anywhere I don't have the confidence to trust myself to be able to get away from. So I need to know there is someone there to help me (and not just anyone, they have to be trusted) . This has all sorts of implications as you will see if you continue to read my posts. I have been so overwhelmed by this that I have been unable to leave the house to being so well that I was able to go abroad for a holiday ( just the once but I DID IT!). At the moment I am somewhere in the middle. I have good days and bad days. Days when I feel I can conquer this no problem and days when I struggle to queue in our local shop for a newspaper. This i've given up analysing and just accept that it happens and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. There are so many things i've missed in my life but also so many things i've managed to achieve including raising my lovely family single handed for some of the time until my lovely husband came along. I also manage to go to work but only because I have a series of strategies in place to allow it. Its far from easy though.

Well today hubby and me have been a run out for lunch( not very frugal I hear you sigh but we should of being going away overnight and decided against it so a lunch and coffee was a cut back and is the last chance before my frugality takes over tomorrow) True to form as soon as I woke this morning  thoughts of the journey started to go through my mind "what if the car breaks down?" "what if we can't park close to the cafe/shop?" Next thing you know i'm running the loo, sometimes I wonder if its worth putting myself through all this for a "treat"!!!! Onwards and upwards though, no pain no gain. I have been to these places before and I have a better internal mapping sytem than any sat nav so off we go. Had a lovely day out, couple of times when I felt ropey ( hubby does need to go to the loo sometimes - I know so bloody inconsiderate!) so i'm hanging around outside the mens loo looking dodgy and counting every second trying to contain the panic until he comes out. Poor man has an awful lot to put up with. All in all though it was a successful trip and made today a good day.

Well think thats enough for a first attempt especially as i'm not even sure its going to post being the technophobe that I am. Fingers crossed then, until tomorrow.

Jules. x